Artist Profile: Cribshitter (as told by Diaper Daniels)
First Question… Names: Diaper Daniels, Don Rubbish, The Fucking Lion, Danika, Count Bassy
Base of operations:
How long has the band been together:
Musically: 9 years
Spiritually: an eternity
Emotionally: forget it
Michael Douglas from Falling Down, hymns, Punisher War Journal, Ween, Greg Kite, Randy Breuer, my mom’s musical background, my dad’s taste in old country/western music, American mall culture, Paul Simon, Rusty Cottonmouth, Poison, Cinderella, Morphine, weed-clouds, Pilgrim’s Point Bible Camp, Great Clips, 64-count crayon w/built-in sharpener boxes (mainly Burnt Sienna & Maize), Beastie Boys, Flaming Lips, 10cc, Nancy Wilson, Fagan from Oliver!, the art of auctioneering, Mr. Seth.
Describe Cribshitter for people who have never heard you before:
If you’re trying to nail down our sound, smack a snake in it’s head with a wooden spoon while it is eating garbage. That is exactly what we sound like.
Who or what inspired you to get into music:
I’ll just speak for myself here. When I was really young my older sister would always be playing me a wide variety of her records. Stuff like KISS, Aerosmith, Scorpions, W.A.S.P, Asia, Dokken, Motley Crue, Y&T, etc. She was a super badass metal chick and I would listen to anything she played me. Then my mom made me take piano lessons.
Then I joined the middle school band. I played the baritone sax. Our band director (Mr. Seth) was riding a razor-thin line of losing his marbles, and that was at the beginning of the school year. We were a terrible group of misfits. Never stopped blaring our instruments, playing whatever we wanted. Never listened to him. Never played a single piece he assigned. So one day he showed up with rifle range ear protection and a police whistle. He had an insane grin on his face and his eyes bugged out as he wildly flailed his conducting hands at us while blowing his whistle and screaming, “You guys sound great!!! BEST I’VE EVER HEARD!!” Then he ran to his office and burst into tears. The next day we had a new director. I guess Mr. Seth retired that day. I still feel shitty about that one.
Then my dad took me to a Paul Simon concert when I was about 14. Then my older brother Tyler and my friend Patrick taught me some chords on the guitar. Then I went to summer bible camp with Patrick. At the talent show we played “Love Song” by Tesla and Guns N’ F’n Roses version of “Knocking On Heaven’s Door” and some of the girls went wild on us. That night was the last night of camp, which meant it was time for the big farewell dance. All of a sudden my friend Patrick and I went from the awkward dolts, to the cool kids. We slow danced with girls all night with our hands in their back pockets. We may have even frenched them.
Then I started listening to the Beatles and the Beastie Boys and my dad’s old country records. Then Patrick and I started a band in high school called The Dirt Brothers. We played mostly funky instrumentals modeled after the stuff we loved on Check Your Head. Then we went to college and played in more jammy bands. Then my older brother started recording this really strange but awesome music on his computer. Old country/spaghetti western music with whistling and dark glitchy beats. Then I passed out…
And then, from a flaming chrysalis, emerged Cribshitter.
What is the Cribshitter’s origin story:
Or…I was working a at a print shop bindery with Don Rubbish. I was playing in another band but it was getting too serious. One day the name Cribshitter popped into my head. I couldn’t let it go, so I decided to ask Don if he wanted to start a band with me called Cribshitter. We employed the Fucking Lion (who was in my other band at the time) as the drummer and we decided to see how horrible we could be at the open mic at the campus student union. The goal was to see how quickly we could get booed off the stage.
Here’s the rest of the story…
You have a clear understanding of composition and songwriting where does that come from:
Probably the experience of writing some terrible songs over the years and figuring out what works and what doesn’t. The first song my friend Patrick and I wrote was called “You & I” and it went like this:
Let’s fly away out into the night,
Where the moon lights the sky
And the sun goes to cry
Oh baby, just you and I
Just you and I.
We sold it to a publishing agency in Nashville who later sold it to Ronnie Milsap.
Would you say you are a Comedy Band or just a band who happens to do comedy:
I don’t think we’re a comedy band. I think we’re more like an American strip mall. Some of the stores are meaningful (tax preparation, check cashing). And other stores are just there (fabric stores, Hobby Lobby, Outback Steakhouse).
Who has the best album of 2012 so far:
If I had to choose one I’d go with Mr. M by Lambchop. Stunning string arrangements, woodwinds, knocking bass thumps, beautifully delicate production; all provide a warm bed for the cryptically hushed crooning of a man who sounds a bit like a drunk/drugged-out Cat Stevens. Picture Sam Beam on a deserted island listening to way too much The Soft Bulletin. I could listen to the song “Gar” on repeat for hours. It sounds like a lazy canoe trip down a hushed creek with one hand dangling in the water and the other hand rested in your crotch, but not in a sexy way.
What was the first album you remember buying on your own:
The first 45s I remember owning were “Cum On Feel the Noize” by Quiet Riot, Hall & Oates “Private Eyes”, and “Let’s Go Crazy” by Prince. The first vinyl LP I owned was David Lee Roth’s Crazy From the Heat. The first cassette I owned was Stay Hungry by Twisted Sister. The first CD I owned was The Beatles’ Magical Mystery Tour. The first LaserDisc I owned was the movie Summer Rental starring one of Canda’s finest John Candy. I loved the scene where he has a bubble cast on his leg and tries to walk around the beach on crutches and the cast popped. The first Zip Disc I owned was blank.
You’re stuck on an island, but you have 5 things… What are they:
Zinka, Zima, Zaireeka, Zoloft, Zzzzzzzzzz…
Last Question… Is Jared REALLY different around girls:
During the tender times of adolescence there are a wide range of learned behaviors which are learned at different times within any group of bonded males. One of those learned behaviors is breaking from the pack to pursue female attention. This break can cause rifts within the pack, which can resonate for years.